Saturday, February 28, 2009

KALGOORLIE, W. AUSTRALIA: Human Brain's Bloody Rampage

Drinkers scattered from Hoon's Bar in this remote town Tuesday night, when Barry 'Bazza' Haines' brain burst out the top of his head, grew a pair of short, stubby legs and proceeded to cause havoc.

Recalls shaken barman Dobby Dunn: "I'd just given Bazza his twenty-eighth beer, according to the till receipts. Maybe all that drinking finally took its toll. His bloody brain was sick of it".

Before being captured and forcibly restrained by local police, Haines' brain managed a good ten minutes of charging around Kalgoorlie, taking flying kicks at small childen and 'brain-butting' old ladies. It also twisted the paws off a cat named Lucky.

Haines himself is being maintained in hospital, while doctors decide whether to reinstate his rowdy cerebellum.

"We all went down to see him last night," says barman Dunn. "He was laughing and joking, no different from normal, the stupid goose."