Sunday, February 15, 2009

SEATTLE, WA: Scientist Creates Transparent Darkness

Donald Weinard, a rookie scientist, claims to have made a remarkable breakthrough in the field of light technology.

"It's a darkness that you can see through," he told fellow boffins at the recent Seattle Science Convention. "No longer will anyone need torches or similar light sources. August 2003's New York powercut would have been no problem if the city had been fitted with this stuff."

Greeted by a sea of sceptical faces, Weinard allowed 10 audience members 'backstage', to a special room he had set up.

Professor Hayden Auberge was among them. He tells The 666 O'Clock News: "We stood in this totally empty room, looking at Weinard for some time. To break the awkward silence, someone asked Weinard when he was going to demonstrate his so-called invention. He just grinned, looked around and said, 'I'm demonstrating it right now. This, gentlemen, is see-through darkness'. I immediately branded Weinard a fucknut."

While most of the scientists followed Auberge in disgustedly walking out, one stayed behind and is now working on the project with Weinard. The pair hope to have it on the market by 2012, with the tentative brand name Anti-Gloom.

We contacted Justin Hawkins, frontman with rockers The Darkness, for a quote. He patiently explained that The Darkness split years back, and that he now leads the band Hot Leg.