Thursday, March 12, 2009

ORANGE COUNTY, CA: Local Killer Partial To Tea

A severed human head was found in a Denny's dumpster last night.

Police were initially cagey about the details of this case, then buckled under pressure and revealed the gruesome details during a press conference in the early hours of this morning.

"The head had been fashioned in the style of a kettle," said a visibly drawn Detective Inspector Frank McDonagh. "The nose had been transformed into a crude metal spout and a handle was bolted to the back of the head. The brains had been scooped out and we discovered traces of tea leaves inside the skull. We believe that the killer may have had a cup of tea, using the head, before dumping it".

The victim has yet to be named, nor his body found.

"We're bracing ourselves for the remaining body parts to have been similarly converted into handy utensils," admitted McDonagh, sparking up his latest Winchester Light with the tip of his last. "Perhaps the legs might turn up as hollowed-out golf club holders, for instance."